Celebration

I have a little personal celebrating to do tonight.

My husband doesn't have cancer.

Since I really have no shared this blog with him yet (shame on me,) I will leave it at this. Some things shall stay personal.

We both love Bluegrass. We both love AKUS. For those who do not have an idea of what this is: This is a photo of AKUS. Allison Krauss and Union Station. The purest sound we believe in music today. Most of our favorite memories involve pureness: open fields of wildflowers on the Colorado trail, fresh water of Nantahala River Gorge. Tomatoes with Feta in North Carolina, sunsets over Cottonwood in Las Vegas, and surround sound in our theatre seats watching AKUS on DVD or something digital.

So, I sit here tonight, finishing a group teaching assignment on adolescent diabetes due Tuesday, popping in my AKUS /CMT Most Wanted Live I bought today, holding back tears of joy and drinking my beer. One of the rare times beer and studying combine, while my husband recuperates in the hospital from his biopsy.

"Somewhere in time the truth shines through

And the spirit knows what it has to do

Somewhere in you there's a power with no name

It can rise to meet the moment and burn like a flame

And you can be stronger than anything you know

Hold on to what you see

Don't let it go "
Performed by Steve Winwood Lyrics byJames Horner, Cynthia Weil, & Barry Mann. From the movie "Balto"

Trials in my life
time passes, the lists grow large
but I have some perspective now, at this moment

Let's just say that while there seems to be a flurry of "stuff" going on in my life, I feel the eye of the storm, so it's not so bad.

"Thick Skin"

I sit next to a fellow student in class today. We found out through our clinical instructor that my student's patient at the rehab facility (nursing home) has gone to the hospital, apparently not doing too well. Tears well up in her eyes. She turns to me and says "I thought about Mr. G all weekend, too." I feel for her. But, I also say, "Girl, you gotta get some skin." She agrees. She's a sensitive girl, and I am both proud for her and worried, too. It is a wonderful thing when (and if) we develop the ability to let the feelings in but balance it out with protection of the psyche.

I think this is part of the reason nursing was a "calling" for so many early years. We sacrifice so much to be able to help others. If you are good, you open your heart, and any time you do you potentially take an emotional hit. Reciprocity is not in the vocabulary. You do not expect the patient to be able to give back to you. It is a one-way street, I think. It is something you accept when you sign up to become a nurse.

Each time you cope a little, cry a little, you develop a little more skin. If it is done right, the skin doesn't stop the emotion. It's only a buffer zone. This is one of my pet peaves and parallels into the bowling world: Those who ask me how to handle pressure..."How do I tune everything out." I tell them I don't. Period. It is not about tuning out, it is about tuning in, and doing it enough times you understand how you and you alone handle things. This is what makes you stronger. (my little thanks here goes to my husband for showing me the way on this one years ago after one horrible, 'deer in headlights' TV appearance.)